I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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