Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
