Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
