Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
