Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
