Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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