is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
