i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
