marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's shark week go big or go home
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
