got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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