shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
