so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
