on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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