Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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