Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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