the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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