Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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