After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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