You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
