I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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