Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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