i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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