I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
