i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
