he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
