I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
