i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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