I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
