he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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