For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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