It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
