Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
