If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
