Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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