The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
