If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
nutella sex= disaster
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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