Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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