Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
