My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
