That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
