farters have to be the big spoon...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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