1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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