do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
