Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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