You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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