Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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