community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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