So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
