I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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