1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
