Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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