And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
