Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
