I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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