I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dick very happy bro
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
