apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
