I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
