Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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