I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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