who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you never un-have a 4some
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
