ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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