Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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